I arrived at Thanksgiving this year confused by my own feelings:
sorrow, uncertainty, joy, frustration, embarassment, anger, disappointment, hope.
So many things had just taken place, and I didn't know how to feel. Worse still, how could I summarize all this confusing emotion into a ball of fluffy, easy-to-swallow thankfulness with only 30 seconds on the clock?
For me, Thanksgiving with the in-laws usually involves let-down. I have unrealistic expectations to "go deep" with a father-in-law who has a stop-watch on the thanksgiving toasts, counting down the minutes to the football game, and a mother-in-law who has social "sensitivities" that can't be disciphered even by her own son.
A few days before T-day, we had shared the joy of our news with them: in place of the sorrow of my dad's death, we had been given a great joy of new life. Blessing number 4. This news was not greeted with the same exuberance we hoped for. Instead, the tiny baby growing within me was rejected, at best ignored. . . Silence followed, and then a change of subject, and that was it. That was how the news went over.
Returning just a few days later to "celebrate life's blessings" had my stomach in knots. The maternal instinct is strong, and like a mother bird, I was already feeling protective over my defenseless baby. As I entered, I tried to act as socially normal as possible. Luckily, there were 'rando's' present, so we had to keep things upbeat and perky. No "going deep" allowed.
I do admittedly have a knack for stiring things up and rocking the boat, so I can't thank my husband enough from saving me from myself, and giving a most glorious, beautiful speech about our newfound joy amidst sorrow. Particularly in the shaddow of death, what else is there to be thankful for than life itself?
(I, as usual, rambled on and on over my 30-second quota yet didn't say really anything I wanted to say or meant to say, and ended up saying pretty much nothing at all of great worth or importance. But that's okay; God knows!).
As for the rest of the day, it exceeded my expectations. Pictionary, followed by a lively political debate. We ended up staying up til 2:30am engaged in conversation until we talked ourselves hoarse.
In the end, I decided that sometimes "going deep" is overrated. Sometimes, there is nothing like a brainless game or lighthearted conversation to keep all that "deepness" and confusing emotion in check! Thanks be to God!
